You know, every once in a while I will be thinking some inane thought and the idea will hit me to write about it; most of the time I ignore it which explains the significant lack of activity here at Motorcycles Have No Doors. So let me catch everyone up on my latest brainshower. The weather here has been warm for a few days, although not today; today it's in the 50's and generally blah, but I digress. The weather has been nice enough for me to fire up the bike and ride to work; now, since I work on what is essentially an Air Force Base, that means I always have to wear "contrasting colors", boots, gloves, eye protection and helmet. For my contrasting colors I have a Harley-Davidson riding jacket (not leather) that is bright Harley orange with bright white lettering and black trim. This jacket makes me stand out like a sore thumb on the road and therefore qualifies under the Air Force's definition of contrasting colors.
Now what do you think is going on around me on the road when I'm on a motorcycle with loud pipes and wearing a bright orange jacket. If you say you think other drivers see me and treat my vehicle like every other vehicle on the road you would be wrong, wrong, wrong. Personally I think my bright orange jacket and loud pipes actually attract drivers much like a moth to a flame or a dog to a juicy bone. For example, the other day I was coming home, going down the same street I travel every day to and from work. This street has a very wide curve in it and at the end of the curve is a cross street that has a STOP sign at the intersection of the two streets. So, here I am on the street coming out of the curve when a white SUV piloted by what I call Airheadicus Womanicus Americanus, or your typical oblivious idiot woman driver on a cell phone arrives at the STOP sign. I see her and I lay off the throttle and downshift from my lightning fast 35mph (which is the legal limit on this street) because I just know what idiot woman is going to do.
What do you think she did? If you say you think she blew the STOP sign and pulled out right in front of me I would say DING DING DING!!!! you are right! Yes campers, this really bright "I can do anything a man can do" type feminasty did not even slow down for the STOP sign, she blew right through it and turned left with me directly in her path...me, on my motorcycle with THREE very bright lights on the front, loud pipes AND the bright orange jacket. Good thing I already know the level of stupidity of any idiot, male or female, who talks on their cell phone while behind the wheel. Armed with that little golden nugget of knowledge I anticipated what idiot woman was going to do and slowed down just barely enough to keep from slamming into her or going off the road or into oncoming traffic. Now, on top of the bright lights, loud pipes and bright orange jacket I was also laying on a neat little invention called a horn.
Wanna take a guess what the really smart feminasty did when she finally realized she cut off a motorcycle? Well, the first thing she did was hit her brakes, then sped up when I had to pass on the left to keep from hitting her AGAIN. The best part of this is when I was alongside I yelled and flipped her off and she didn't even look! Nope, she stayed right on that cell phone and didn't even blink an eye. Now, some may say my boorish behavior may have scared her (we all know how incredibly rude it is to be angry with a good Mississippi Christian, especially after they almost mowed you down with their car) and that is why she didn't look at me; I think it was because she was really that oblivious and moronic.
So, I want to start something here; in the comments section at the end of this post I would like everyone who reads this to share their own harrowing experiences with oblivious drivers. You don't have to be on a motorcycle but I will bet the motorcycle stories will be much more hair-raising and interesting! OR, if you happen to take offense with my description of the typical idiotic driver of the female persuasion please let me know that as well...the more colorful the better! Ready.....Set.....GO!!!