23 March 2009

Ever Wonder....

So I was sitting here reading a piece by Jack Cafferty on cnn.com and I had a thought. His piece was about the annoying kids out there adn the incompetent or lazy parents out there who indulge their bad behavior. So, I had a thought; why don't I write down my observations here and you can share your irritations with the everyday world? Now I know my biker rant against stupid drivers of the female persuasion didn't exactly burn up the web but at least I'm having fun...are you?

Some of the things I have observed:

Ever wondered why the shortest line in the grocery store is the slowest line? I think it's because the person checking out picked up an item without a price on it and the genius at the register doesn't know what to do besides call out on a microphone for another genius to go find the price OR the person checking out waited until everything was rung up to pull out the checkbook and...honestly, who writes checks anymore OR they're digging in their purse for that ever elusive fifty cent off coupon for the double-fudge chocoholic super sugar bars...and they weigh about 500 pounds. I have observed all three of these on several occasions in various stores throughout the country.

I have also oberved that the vast majority of the cars that weave in and out of their lane, inexplicably slow down only to speed up again when you try to pass are almost always piloted by someone on a cell phone...and those someone's have turned out to be women on just about every occasion...I'm not saying women are inferior to men or are dumber than men but it sure is funny how many women I see on their cell phones while rolling down the road.

I've been called a racist before when I have commented on various vehicles as "black" vehicles. I'm not trying to be racist but it sure is uncanny that every time I see the two tone purple and green ultra-metalic paint with about 15 coats of clear coat on a chevy with 36 inch low profile tires and rims blasting Kanye West at 1800 decibels it is always...EVERY TIME...being driven by a black guy...and every time I see a car that even remotely fits that description it is always...EVERY TIME...being driven by a black guy. So why am I a racist every time I comment on a "black" car?

Have you ever noticed that every single time you see a vehicle with a fish or handicapped license plate on it, it is ALWAYS the slowest, most obnoxious driver behind the wheel? Every time I have been behind a vehicle with either of these things, that vehicle is always...EVERY TIME...travelling about 5 to 10 miles below the posted speed limit and is invariably in the left lane. I mean come on, it doesn't take a genius to eventually see that handicapped plates and Jesus fish equals dumbass...does it?

So now it's your turn; you tell me what you have observed and what you think of it! Come on, it'll be fun!


  1. Something about beemer drivers and trying to kill me while on my scoot. Dunno but I've done the math and 8 out of 10 close calls is by some friggin einstien in a dang beemer.

  2. I noticed a long time ago that people with handicapped plates ALWAYS drive that way!

    As for your comments on "black" cars, I agree 100% on both points - those type of cars are ALWAYS driven by blacks, and if you dare say something about it, you're a racist. I call it "telling the truth." But you know, in this day and age - especially now since we have a black President - ANYTHING you say about any black person in the slightest unfavorable way will get you labeled a racist.

    Fuck 'em, I say. The truth is the truth, and if you can't handle it, then I don't have an answer for you.

    I've also observed that one of the most dangerous creatures on the earth, next to a female driver with a cell phone, is a female with a shopping cart. Get in her way and she's gonna run you right over! I see this all the time at the local Wally World!